This week's topic is grudges - a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury. I cannot think of anyone who has not held a grudge at one time or another. Hollywood has been the site of several serious grudges - Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis; Joan Crawford & Betty Davis; Bud Abbott & Lou Costello; Vivian Vance & William Frawley; Orson Welles& William Randolph Hearst.
Many of these folks worked together for years before something set one of the pairs off. In the Welles/Hearst case, Welles parodied Hearst in Welles' most famous film - Citizen Kane. Hearst was none-too-pleased.
You will note too that most of those involved have egos the size of Manhattan. All -i n-all, these great feuds were most entertaining. They were the gossip fodder of their times and the latest additions were eagerly awaited daily. The journalists who specialized in gossip were called Muckrakers. Arguably the last, great Muckraker was Jack Anderson. These days the void is filled by shows like Real Houswives of name a city. These decidedly lower class shows still command quite an audience and fill the gossip void. Think Kardashian or Hilton. These days it seems your ticket to grudge fame can be filled by a 20-30 minute tape of you having sex with your significant other. If you can claim said tape was stolen off you smart phone or the cloud, even better.
I'm afraid I'm pretty boring when it comes to this stuff. Most grudges I had were sports related and resolved pretty quickly on the field of play by a bruising hit or a fastball to the ribs. I freely admit they were quite satisfying. I once resolved a wrestling gruge by recording my fastest pin - 18 seconds.I was not a particularly pleasant fellow when it came to sports - LOL.
Be sure to check Ramana's Musings to see what Ramana has to say about this week's topic.
I am not at all surprised that you do not hold any grudges and in the past settled them without revisiting injuries. Your take on other grudges of celebs makes for fascinating reading and I confess that I wish that I could have dwelved on some of them on this side of the world. Grudges here are mostly of the political variety and those last through generations.
ReplyDeletethis topic is interesting. in general I would say I don't hold a grudge. but I know that I do hold one specific one and it's silly. as most grudges probably are. I mean... what's the point? my grudge is for one person in my life. and that was my mother-in-law. I've tried and have actually come close to forgetting the deep hurts. but not totally. and it's something I still work on. she is long gone now and it's SILLY to remember any of it! it's like taking little tiny doses of poison each time I remember. who CARES??? they're all dead! it was what it was. like GET OVER IT TAMMY.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean it's all I think about. it's NOT! but in not letting go of her cruelty I am dwelling in the past. and that's not what I choose to do. I am always trying to live in the NOW!
so holding a grudge over her is only hurting myself! so foolish.
I had a late friend who used to argue the point with me. we both had different ideas of forgiveness. I said that to forgive a grudge or a deep hurt that you had to be able to just forget it.
not think of it or re-live it in any way. and that if you truly forgave someone (and thus no longer held a grudge) that meant you had even forgotten the hurtful occasion. and my friend said to me almost like Rummy's pictured quote:
"I don't hold grudges I just remember the facts."
to me that's a cop out.
my position was that as long as you remembered all the facts then you were still holding on to the grudge because you were reliving it! WOW! did that cause a storm! I learned very quickly that she had to be 'right!' she didn't accept that at all! we used to have some real exchanges on this whole subject!
once she even hung up the phone on me! hahahaha! guess you might say she had a grudge about it. LOL!
I think with a LOT of work we can remember facts and change the feelings, but why bother? Forgetting/focusing on other things makes a lot of sense. Life is too short to dwell on unpleasantness.
DeleteI suppose that the intensity and frequency of the conflict matters as, otherwise passing or occasional incidents do not matter as much. One would also imagine that other conflicting relationships can come into play, like in this case, perhaps her coming in the way of relationship with your husband could have caused a great deal of pain. It is also easy to pontificate and say forget it but, it may not be easy to.
Deletethank you and Shack both Rummy. luckily I had a husband who tried to convince me "it's not personal. it would be anybody who married her son." it never caused us problems but I am sorry now that he probably felt caught in the middle. and I was too young to know what I was doing! she caused me great emotional pain and humiliation. I could deal with her today. but then … not so much! as you say... she was sent for a reason. for me to learn from it.
Deletethanks Monk. I do like the idea of changing or rather RECOGNIZING facts as opposed to feelings. and even separating the two. it can be done. they really are two different things. I should have realized that by now. life is indeed too short to dwell on unpleasantness. especially PAST unpleasantness!
ReplyDeleteI have no problem walking away from a grudge - I suppose it is simply in my nature. I long ago stopped trying to make people like me and Monk is right - it is a waste of time but Tammy I suspect you are on occasion able to be wounded so deeply walking away is not possible. Call it the one roadblock in the simple life I guess. Consider it a bit of balance.
DeleteGrudges were a waste of my time and energy on a person with whom I simply might want to be out of my thoughts, much less trying to get even which would prove nothing.
ReplyDeletehonestly they are a waste of everyone's tine - just walk away and if that is the end of a relationship tht is what was meant to be
DeleteI don't think persistent ill-will is the same as a grudge. I think a grudge is something more serious, like ill-will that develops into an obsessive, irrational hatred of someone or a desire to take some kind of retaliatory action. I've always had ill-will towards my father, who treated me abominably, but it never turned into an all-consuming revenge-demanding hatred. Life is too short for such a huge waste of mental energy.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right Nick - I cannot think of many obsessions that are worthwhile
DeleteShackman — “To U’s point though – I suspect of everyone I know she has more grudges held against her than anyone, fairly or not.”
ReplyDeleteI may be missing something, but it seems to me U’s interactive style has hurt/offended some people and at least some of them just want her out of their lives so they can forget her. Why would that be considered holding a grudge? It strikes me as common sense, “once bitten, twice shy.”
And Ursula, you say you never hold a grudge, but you also seem to be saying that your intentions are always benign so if people take offense it’s because of defects in them, they are exceptionally needy, needing constant validation and unquestioning adulation. OK, even if that is/were true, you say you are having trouble letting it go and, as I recall, have even written blog posts disparaging them. That comes across as you feeling “ill will or resentment” towards them. If it isn’t a grudge, what would you call it?
This was my comment at R’s site. I don’t know if you saw it.
DeleteYeah I saw it and frankly I think in most cases people that wounded by something U says simply should not be blogging where she is - avoid the grief if you are unable to engage her with a bit of spirit and joy of writing. a bit of bickering and a willingness to take on a bulldog
DeleteRemember, the topic is grudges and the blog owners who don't like her comments are not holding grudges, they are not engaging with her. She is the one whining about it. Not much joy there. Did you really miss that?
DeleteI'm reminded of "Beam me up, Scotty, there is no intelligent life down here." Whatever floats your boat. No hard feelings. :D
DeleteI assume you enjoy Trump too? No end of entertainment. ;)
DeleteI missed these last few - personally I think Donald Trump breathes good air better left to a usefulhumnbeung. He has beenlaundering money for Russian oligarchs for years, the latest Supreme Court fiasco is related to that as Kennedy's son is DJTs loan officer at Deutche Bank= the oligarchs bank of choice for its ties to Russia. Trump is a traitor
Deleteregarding MIL (tammy) - my ex insisted for many, many years that my "trifle" making wasn't anywhere as good as his Mothers. Finally his Mother along with his Father came out to NZ for a summer holiday and I made a "trifle" - ex wasn't happy that I did that...
ReplyDeleteSo after it was all eaten, yep M and F ate every little bit up - the ex commented to his Mother. So will you teach C to make a proper trifle...to which she replied "it's the same as I make...absolutely fabulous"
Ex was silenced...and never a word about my trifle making passed his lips again!!!
way to go Cat! LOLOL!!!
DeleteI must be like Pavlov's poor dog.
now I want trifle! yum.
I never met a trifle I did not like - hence my circumferentialy challenged self LOL
Delete