Monday, May 28, 2012

I started out as a child - aka Alfie part deux

My apologies to WIlliam H Cosby for borrowing his line in the title.  I always thought it was pretty darn funny.

Funnily enough, through the years friends often asked me why I never pursued info on Wes.  I simply wasn't interested - I already had a dad - Jack McConvey.  Why bother with someone that clearly had no interest in me. But then there were some nagging things that kept cropping up and some parts of my basic nature that simply didn't mesh with my family as I knew them. I mention again the dark side. Clearly Wes was a troubled individual as those pieces of my personality I can attribute to him are not pleasant at all.  If interested he can be viewed on my Facebook page in the Family and Friends album.

Wes clearly was not as fortunate as I to have a group of friends as solid and stable as those I aquired upon moving to California just prior to entering the 5th grade. Those guys have remained close over the years and were honestly the primary reason I turned out the way I did. They set a high bar to live up to and I was just insecure enough and shy enough to want to emulate them.  Other than becoming a successful professional as they did (architect, dentist, airline pilot for starters) I succeeded IMHO.

So why did my mother lie to me until her death?  Guess I'll never know. It does explain though why she had a better relationship with my brother and sister.  Technically they're half brother and sister but that has never been part of the lexicon for any of us. The biggest issue between them and me is generational - I'm 10 years older than my sister and 11 years older than my brother. 

Fast forward a bit.  So here we are today.  I am primary caregiver to my wife, who suffers from Huntington's Disease - and supporting my daughter's family as they live here with us so my daughter can help with her mother.  Luckily I work at home full time as it only takes a computer to be a copywriter/content specialist.    Obviously I spend a lot of time on the computer - it's how I relax as well as make  a living.  Not exactly the life I envisioned for myself when I was young but these are the cards I was dealt. So I play them.  I am occasionally bitter that the end of Lynn's and my life has been stolen by a genetic condition that may yet affect both kids (each has a 50% chance of having HD. And if one of them has it there are the grandkids to worry about.) I am constantly irritated by the fact that Lynn has had a third of her life taken from her and she is slowly succumbing in a most dehumanizing manner. She did nothing to deserve this but as they say - bad things can happen to good people. If there is a god she clearly is humorless. Kharma?  Who knows.  I guess until the switch is turned off on me I will keep looking for answers.

OK - I feel better, time for a beer!  Tomorrow political correctness hits the keyboard.

Todays selections include a Ron Ryan composition done fairly well by the late Oliver Reed

Here's a great song about whatever you want it to be about - well actually it's an anti-war song by Ed Ames - my favorite vocalist

This one's self explanatory....

Happy Monday!


  1. As Randy Pausch said "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." You play it well, Shackman.

    It took me ten years to write about Jack's death, somehow it was like taking the chains off my feet, leaving me free to move forward.

    1. GM - I only just started speaking "publicly" about Lynn. Not sure why I didn't before - I suspect it's because I didn't want people to think I was feeling sorry for myself and that is absolutely not the case - but doing so has helped a lot so I can see what you mean. And thanks for the compliment.

  2. Very fortunate that you are only cubed and not diced too.

    In my case, it was the father who kept lying in the face of patent proof of his peccadilloes and our mother who kept the family together including exacting a promise from me to take care of him when he would be in need. While in my teens I was forever getting into scraps because of his behaviour and having to defend myself from teasing neighbours and classmates.

    Family histories can be fascinating or devastating and I have both in my background. I have found being forthright about those to be very cathartic too.

    I have found that blogging is very liberating too. I now look forward to your sequel.

  3. Fascinating or devastating. In many ways we make our own choice as to which it is. Considering Wes's brush with the law that "started" his journey into oblivion came when he was a police officer in our home town of Pueblo, I suppose I'm fortunate not to have been teased - but my namesake uncle made enough trouble before entering the Marines (it was that or jail) with one of his pals that the local school tried to keep his pal's brother and I apart. Didn't work - we were buddies - LOL. That never came back on me but Wes's genes surely have.