This week's 2 on 1 topic poses an age old question - is it better to be liked or respected.
I think people make this more difficult than necessary as being liked and respected are mot mutually exclusive. As a general rule of thumb I'd prefer to have respect for those in authority over me and be liked otherwise. So I respect, for example, police, military personnel, and the like. In a work environment I respect those I report to. Of course it is possible to like many in those positions as well. I have friends whom I like that are police officers, in the military or who were co-workers who have been promoted.
Occasionally inherent respect collides with the notion of like or dislike. For example, I have enormous respect for the office of POTUS. But, currently I hold nothing but contempt for the current office holder. I find him a truly contemptuous human being - an amoral pathological liar only out for himself. Although his policies are not all bad, some are downright immoral and his attitude toward others is despicable.
Another example is the author of the infamous Mueller report. I have tremendous respect for Mr. Mueller but I do not find him a particularly likeable fellow. I doubt very much having a beer with him would result in scintillating conversation.
I suppose most of us have friends or relatives we like a lot but have little - if any - respect for. For whatever reason the way they live their lives in a manner we do not approve. maybe they are alcoholics, gamblers, or generally neer do wells. Can't hold a job, etc.. They are great company but not worthy of much respect for some of their life choices.
There are endless examples of like and respect but the bottom line to me is fairly straightforward. Treat people the way you wish to be treated and you will be respected and liked. It's not really that complicated IMHO.
Be sure to go to Ramana's Musings to see what Ramana has to say.
As you say, the two aren't mutually exclusive. However, the way I understand the question, lies with the "OR". So, what would you choose if you HAD to choose between the two?
ReplyDeleteI'd probably opt for being liked over being respected. When liked you'll be forgiven a multitude of sins (as you hint) which is nice and makes for cordial and social interaction. From which follows that respect is something you EARN, are not given by, say, in your example, virtue of public office. One of the commandments, embraced even by those who don't subscribe to any of the world religions, that we "respect" our elders. Do we really have to respect people by dint of their age rather than merit? I don't think so. Obviously we should be kind to the old in as much as they become infirm and dittery dottery - but that does not mean we should "respect" even their most inane mutterings just by virtue of them being our elders.
Other than that I'd like to define respect as something we should pay each other as human beings - REGARDLESS of office, status, being saints or our parents. But, as you may rightly argue, that is a different kind of respect than, maybe, is meant in the original question.
U
PS Not exactly an afterthought, just for my own amusement: Most important thing is that we like (and respect) ourselves. Whether others do like or respect me is largely immaterial to me. As long as I can look myself in the eye and like what I see my world is fine. Sod the rest of them. Which is, naturally, precisely the sort of statement which a lot of people will NOT like. HA!
I am willing to go with "Treat people the way you wish to be treated and you will be respected and liked. It's not really that complicated IMHO."
ReplyDeleteAnd as your other fair commentator here said over in my post, I escaped making the choice!
I would ideally be both liked and respected. If you respect someone without liking them, that suggests you only respect them because they're intimidating in some way. If you like them without respecting them, that suggests you overlook all sorts of bad behaviour just because they're fun to be with. So yep, both liking and respect please.
ReplyDelete