A family tale of intrigue, deception and betrayal.

A friend passed away last month.  He happened to be in the Army and had done a fabulous job turning his life around. He was very proud of the fact he was going to be able to leave his four kids a not insubstantial piece of money when his time came. He had loads of insurance and had accumulated a tidy 7-figure sum in his bank account. Then he got cancer. He fought the good fight, supported by his kids and his fiance - who left her job to care for him.

Near the end he withdrew a chunk of cash and bought a nice Chevy Tahoe to use and take one last fishing trip in style with the intent of leaving the new Tahoe to his fiance for her efforts on his behalf.  He gave his brothers and relatives in town $1500 each to help cover their expenses while literally on his death watch. His two youngest kids and their mother travelled to town so the kids could say goodbye. The ex was not party to the cash gifts and in fact learned of them later.  It did not matter - her current significant other and father covered the trip that was unfortunately extended a couple of days. 

He passed away in mid June, surrounded by his family and fiance.  He was awarded a full military funeral service.  His kids in attendance were each awarded an American flag as a symbol of his service to the country.  The 21-gun salute startled and impressed the 3 kids in attendance.

Later in the the day after his funeral a contingent from his army post appeared at his apartment seeking the addresses of his grandchildren to secure their benefits. While the fiance was gathering the info, my friends twin sister jumped in and gave a list to the base personnel and escorted them out of the apartment. She then took my friends laptop, ID and any other personal information she could grab and left. 

Later that night at the party celebrating my friend's life, his oldest brother (there are 4) told several people that the sister had emptied out my friends bank account and deposited the money into her own.  The amount was in excess of $150,000.00 - earmarked for the four children per my friend's wishes.

One of my friend's younger brothers (also in the Army) was made beneficiary of my friend's LAZER account with the instruction that money be passed on to his kids.

At the party the sister announced there was no will and she was controlling his estate.  The brothers immediately began to grouse that she was intent on keeping the cash and proceeds from the insurance policy to which she was beneficiary and would not be passing anything along to the kids.  The mother and youngest grandkids had expended their funds and asked for a loan from each brother to fill the tank and head home - $50-$60 or so.  All declined, claiming to be strapped for cash and appartently not wanting to tap into that free cash my friend had gifted them with.  Luckily the ex-wife of one of the brothers (LAZER brother). overheard the conversation and berated each of the brothers for not helping out. She took the mother to her bank, withdrew some cash and filled the tank and so the ex and the youngest grand kids could head home, exhausted by the stressful week.

Fast forward to a month later.  After demanding birth certificates - which were provided - the brother returned them stating the LAZER funds would be arriving in 5 weeks or so and the sister now claimed she was going to give each child a cash award on their HS graduation day.  All sounded legitimate. But, my friend's 19-year old son - who previously had been very close to his younger sisters - suddenly refused to speak to them as did his mother.  Another younger brother (living in Fort Worth) has suddenly become uncommunicative.  Sadly, active Army brother and FT Worth brother are/were two of the affected children's favorite uncles. And it now seemed all of the earlierr protestations and complaints regarding their sister hade simply been a ploy to keep the sister appraised of any actions of the mother's of the 3 youngest kids.

A conversation with an Army Captain friend of the family generated some interesting results for the mother of the two youngest grand kids.  Things did not sound right to the Captain and he suggested she contact the base, speak to the Insurance people and the JAG office.  If possible check with the bank.

It seems the brother in charge of the LAZER account had never spoken to anyone about it on the base or in the Insurance department and that the birth certificates were not necessary anyway. Furthermore, the woman in charge of the insurance and LAZER was a friend of my friend and his fiance - new for a fact there was a will as she had seen it but that it simply was not filed with the Army. It also seems the addresses for the kids given to the Army are not valid.  Conversation with the bank ended with this simple statement - call the police.    

The siblings have decided to steal $500,000 in benefits from my friends 4 kids.  Stay tuned for the next chapter as JAG (that'd be military legal eagles - remember the tV show?) is involved - the LAZER brother is on active duty and all are liable for federal prosecution for a variety of things.  It's not nice to steal from Uncle Sam folks - especially when what you stole was earmarked for the children of a vet.  Things are gonna be jumping in Louisiana, Texas and Georgia.   

LBC topic Editing

This weeks LBC topic comes to us from the Emerald Isle courtesy of Grannymar. The topic is Editing.

Editing is simply a process by which something is corrected, modified or otherwise "enhanced" prior to publication/broadcast or other form of release.  I know editing.  Trust me.  In my newly edited job title - Omnichannel Data Specialist - I am edited daily.  In spite of the nebulous, somewhat bizarre sounding title, what I really do is write product descriptions for my employer's website. My name gives that employer away - too bad my newly edited title does not similarly convey what I do.  It used to - before the change I was a copywriter/content specialist. Now that makes sense.  My point???  Editing is not always a good thing - though those who perform the arduous task of editing often think they are the saviours of the written/photographic/film/musical worlds in which they reside.

Now don't get me wrong.  Everyone can stand some editing from time to time.  Punctuation mistakes, hyphenation, compound modifiers identified, etc. We can't all be perfect and in fact I see my work as a form of job creation.  I create the need for an editor whenever I sit before a keyboard.  To prove my point I won't correct typos in the next paragraph.

How many books have you read that do not include some form of Editor praise by the author?  If nbotfor Yickity YAck DooDah, this book would be nothing but a useless  pack of dribble, etc.  etc. etc..  So the editor has made sense of something for you dear reader.  Aren't you the lucky oe.

See?  I am the absolute worst typist on the 3rd rock from the sun (a great TV comedy show BTW).

Now one can edit their life by making a change.  We've certainly all been there and done that - to turn a cliched phrase. And for the trivia minded, young Mr Deutschendorf attended high school about 10 blocks from where I sit typing this.

Editing can be an important step in the creative process, often much to the chagrin of the original creator.  But how often has the written word not translated well to the screen?  Ever hear a joke fall flat?  Silence is not golden in those instances - I'm sure the jester would agree.

It would seem that life itself is in need of some editing for most - if not all - of us.  Who among us is so straight and true that their life has been all they wanted and expected.  I freely admit mine is not.  In this instance we are our own editors though we may indeed and often should take a tip or two from others - why we even have a couple of classic philosopher types here in the LBC in TOF and Ramana. Oh - and there's the subtle philosphy of a  Granymar, the not so subtle but ever positive Maxi and the very true to herself Delirious - now hopefully safely landed in China. To them and anyone else who cares to listen I simply say editing is change.  Change is ever present. Deal with it. And thank you for your suggestions, dear philosopher friends - classic and otherwise. There's no point in trying to escape the grim editor.

   
That's it for this week.  Please check out what the other LBC members have to say about editing.  Anu, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, Maxi, Maria SF, ocdwriter, Padmum, Paul, Ramana The Old Fossil and Will.

The Olympics

This week’s LBC topic is the Olympics. Since it was my suggestion I guess I’d better kluge together some thoughts.

I completely understand that some folks have no use for athletic competition and especially the Olympics. I’ve always enjoyed the Olympics – I very much prefer the Winter Games to the summer that we are experiencing now. It’s no secret I was a jock in high school and college so I suppose I gravitated naturally to the Olympics.  I remember having a TV rolled into the classroom in 6th grade to watch some of the games.  I do believe we saw Billy Mills win his race that year.

 It’s a pity the games have become so politicized but that was inevitable - beginning with the Berlin Olympics and Jesse Owens. Russia could not compete so they started a state-sponsored program for their athletes, making sport their entire life.  China has done the same. That essentially made their athletes professionals and opened the floodgates to things like our Dream Team in basketball and the current hockey tournament that includes NHL, KHL and other professionals. Since the olympics are about the best competition, that doesn't bother me.

I get a kick out of sports I generally have no interest in every 4 years – stuff like gymnastics (my wife was a highly accomplished gymnast in her time but those were indeed different times),  rowing, curling and the like. What’re my fave Olympic moments you might ask?  Well – even if you don’t ask I’ll tell you – here are my top 3

Jesse Owens in Berlin

Miracle on Ice

Watching Olga Korbut turn the gymnastics world upside down

I also get a kick out of the national pride on display at the podium by many of the winners.

Sure there are issues.  The Olympics are after all run by  people.  People always have agendas. Get over it and enjoy the competitions - for crying out loud.  How often do you get to see the best athletes compete against each other.  And each Olympic Games has its great underdog story - can you say Miracle on Ice? Plus, it is impossible to escape the Games as they are ever present.  Just as politics are pervasive in our lives, every four years we are beseiged by the spectacle of athletic competition.  Why not sit back and enjoy the break from the frustration of daily life and root for your home team or individual. I get excited when I hear this on TV...

That's my take on the Olympics.  Check out what the other LBC writers have to say.   Anu, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, Maxi, Maria SF, ocdwriter, Padmum, Paul, Ramana The Old Fossil and Will.

Deadlines.

This weeks LBC topic is deadlines. 

A deadline is nothing but a time limit or constraint put on some activity – getting the paper  done in school, getting the report to the boss at work – things like that.Deadlines make the procrastinator’s job simple –he/she has a time (the dreaded deadline) to ignore, thus removing the stress of trying to get whatever he/she is supposed to get done  when it is supposed to be done.  Thus the procrastinator floats merrily along without a care in the world.  Time is on his/her side. Hmm – sounds like a song segue to me. What, me worry is his/her attitude.

Deadlines are the anal person’s friend too since deadlines give them the structure their analness (is that even a word?) needs.  The truly anal will be done early – time won’t let them just get it done on time.  Yep – another  song segue.

Deadlines and time go together like chocolate and peanut butter.  You can't have one without the other. And of course there is that Friday LBC deadline.  Sigh - every Thursday it's a mad scramble to find the topic.  And then, honestly it's the first thing I do Friday morning.  Procrsatination? Well I prefer to think of it as having the unique ability to say what I want without constant revision.  (Procrastinator's rule #9).  I just sit and type.  Of course with my typing skills spellcheck is critical.  The actual writing is relaxing and somewhat cathartic.  Deadlines, you see,  are my friend.  And speaking of relaxing, the next tune (sax by Denis Payton) and as cup of coffee are just the ticket!

So that's my take on deadlines and time.  Please check the other members takes on the subject -  Anu, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, Maxi, Maria SF, ocdwriter, Padmum, Paul, Ramana The Old Fossil and Will.

Care giving - LBC topic

Care giving.  That's this weekc LBC topic, brought to us by Ramana.

I am admittedly somewhat biased on this topic as I am the primary care giver for my wife of 40 years, Lynn. Here's what she looked like 1/1/1972 when we got married.  Never confuse fat with stupid - I picked a holiday so I'd never forget my anniversary, and it worked.

Lynn inherited a genetic condition from her father called Huntington's Disease - sometimes called Huntingtons Chorea. To the uninitiated, think of it as a combination of Alzheimers and Parkinson's rolled up in one ugly disease.  It is incurable and a death sentence - not only to the person with the disease but to the family in many cases. There is a 50% chance the offspring of a person with HD will inherit the gene and be doomed to have HD.  We have 2 kids.  They have not yet been tested for a myriad of reasons.  I see my job as care giver as doing whatever I can to keep the family together - no mean feat as we are the definition of dysfunctional in many ways - and do whatever possible for Lynn.  Lynn has the mental capacity of a petulant 5-yr. old these days. She has trouble controlling her bodily functions. She nearly choked to death twice last week due to a loss of control of the muscles that allow us to swallow. If she wants something and is told no, I hear her chant "I hate you and hope you f***ing die" for 30 minutes or so.  That happens more than once daily.

Our daughter and her family live with us and Jamie trys to assist me.   She does the best she can but...

So why do it? The reason is simple - Lynn has nobody else. It is simply the right thing to do.  I am no saint.  Lynn has had 15 or more years of her life stolen from her.  Whatever chance we had for a happy end to our relationship has been stolen from us.  Knowing now the root cause of the troubles that started 15-20 years ago does nothing but explain them.  It is too late for healing those wounds.  The girl I married essentially left the building as it were 10 or so years ago.  Until last year there were occasional flashes of that person. The pic above is the last one taken in which Lynn doesn't look like a raving lunatic. She's holding her youngest grandson - now 21/2.  He will never know her for the loving, doting grandmother she used to be. Her oldest granddaughters are rapidly forgetting that grandma as well.

In the midst of her rants or those times she gets violent - another common occurence with HD - it can be very very difficult. The fact that she is still strong as an ox does not make matters easier. We just take it one day at a time.  When she asks the same question for the 30th time we try not to snap at her.  We are not always successful. When she's into one of her I hate you... rants I try to ignore her. She doesn't mean it. She couldn't. But there's always that nagging thought down deep that she does mean it and everything about the last 40 years has been a fraud.  But I prefer to think we started off like this...

Again - why do it?  I believe we are dealt a hand of cards in life.  Several in fact. Many times the hand is not one of our choosing.  But we must simply play the cards we are dealt. There's nowhere to run  and nowhere to hide.  Lynn did not intentionally inherit the gene that has decimated her life.  It's common knowledge that bad things happen to good people. Guess it was her turn.  I've been called a saint and I've been asked what I did to deserve this kharmic backlash. Both comments seriously offered by well meaning people.  Guess that means I am either amazing or I am to blame.  I suppose the comment that galls me the most is the one about god opening a window when she slams a door. Or vice versa. I can never keep that one straight.  Fact is, stuff happens and this is our stuff. I will continue to persevere and care for my wife.  As long as she is here my life is fairly well locked down. If she's awake I need to be near to keep her as calm as possible. And if one day I am dealt another hand well - we'll see how that one goes. As it stands now we are here...

That's my take on Care Giving.  Basically you do it because it's the right thing to do.  You do it because you care for the person you are caring for.  And you try and maintain a degree of sanity. Your sanity.  And remember - it's OK to get frustrated and occasionally angry.  But keep playing.  And Grannymar and Ramana - I'm trying to handle this with as much aplomb as the two of you.

Please check what the other LBC members have to say on the topic.  Anu, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, Maxi, Maria SF, ocdwriter, Padmum, Paul, Ramana The Old Fossil and Will.

Is Pessimism More Realistic Than Optimism?

Conrad - aka the The Old Fossil - posed an interesting question for this week's LBC topic. Everyone knows the old glass half full or half empty question.  Trouble is, some people don't even have a glass.

So - it it more realistic to view the world in a positive light or vice versa?  Like most intellectual exercises there is no pat answer.  Obviously for some folks optimism works whereas for others pessimism makes more sense.  The optimist - says the pessimist - is destined to be repeatedly disappointed while the optimist says to the pessimist you will forever be pleasantly surprised!

The realist simply says you'll both get what you expect out of life if you put in the effort.  Oh - that's a good one -  the very broad-brushed term "effort". Truth is, if you work hard, treat others fairly and the way you wish to be treated, you'll probably achieve a fair degree of success in your life.  Now the definition of that success is purely personal and subjective.  If money is your motivator, simply check your bank account. If - like most people - you judge yourself on a broader landscape, simply examine the results piece by piece.

Some judge themselves harshly,  That is their perogative.  The pessimist sees himself/herself in a much harsher light than does the optimist in my opinion. But both are constantly seeking to improve. The pessimist can seem like a harsher critic to others but that isn't necessarily true.  I find the pessimistic approach to criticism much more direct - with optimistoc criticism you have to read between the lines to get at the heart of the critique. The pessimist lays it out in clear, concise terms.

So the answer to Fossil's question is yes.  And no. The Fossil himself is essentially an oiptimist most of the time. I hope he isn't too disappointed by the responses to his query. I suspect he'll be pleasantly surprised.


Is the Boss an optimist or a pessimist?? 

  

Does it get more optimistic than an 80 plus year old singing the optimist's anthem?

The ultimate pessimist? 

Please check the other members of the LBC and see their take on this weeks topic -  Anu, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, Maxi, Maria SF, ocdwriter, Padmum, Paul,  The Old Fossil, Will and Ramana.

LBC - Nicknames

Welcome to the weekly LBC post.  This weeks topic - Nicknames - comes via Paul (Blackwatertown).


Nicknames can be fun, informative and/or cruel. Some are logical - take mine - Shackman - for instance. I'm called Shackman because I have worked at RadioShack for over 25 years. Several other nicknames attached to me come from my given name - Charles. I happen to hate the name Charles - it's way too formal sounding. Now Chuck - its most common nickname - suits me just fine. One old friend calls me Charlie - a name I am not overly fond of but from Dave it works, likewise  Chas. That's Charles abbreviated and one of my oldest friends refers to me that way. Then there's the family nickname - Bubba. There's a 10 and 11 year age difference between my sister, brother and I. When they were little they could not say brother - it came out Bubba and it stuck. Of course that means my five nieces between the two of them call me Uncle Bubba which then assumed a life of its own as several friends' kids call me Uncle Bubba. One common nickname for folks with an McC or Mac last name is Mac - for some reason nobody ever called me that but it is my brother's nickname amongst nearly all of his friends and coworkers. And lastly there's what my buddy Bob and his wife call me - Big. Can't get much simpler (or accurate) than that.

Then there are nicknames for groups. Take The Wrecking Crew for example. You may not know that name but if you are a fan of sixties/seventies pop/rock music produced in Los Angeles then you may not know the Wrecking Crew but you do know their work.

Motown had The Funk Brothers -

Sports and entertainment are bastions of nicknames and with the substantial sums of money involved these days nicknames become a very important part of the individuals brand. Frankly that takes some of the fun out of it but what do I know. Shaq, Captain Marvel, The Refrigerator (I was occasionally The Freezer), The Haryana Hurricane, Bhaji and Captain Cool are just a few from a variety of sports. Entertainment offers Duke (named after his pet dog), The Boss, The Fab Four, The Velvet Fog, The Man in Black, The Rat Pack and The Chairman of the Board to name a few.Check out the Velvet Fog - 

 

That's a quick take on nicknames - please check  in on  Anu, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, Maxi, Maria SF, ocdwriter, Padmum, Paul, Ramana, The Old Fossil and Will  and see what their take is on this week’s topic.